So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
