I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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