need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
