She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
