I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
