arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
