Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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