so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
