I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
