you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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