Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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