the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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