so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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