You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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