Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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