i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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