yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
