What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
