your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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