She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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