So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
