I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
