when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you still have your period?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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