I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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