every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
