I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
