dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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