My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
