mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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