Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
