checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
