last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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