aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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