splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
