Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
