I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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