Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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