Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
