My Higher Power is John Stamos
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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