Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
someone threw a dead crab at me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
