i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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