I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
