Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
