There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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