worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
