She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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