3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
