I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
