Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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