mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
