and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just found a bag of teeth...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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