Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
