I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
