i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
