didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
