Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
