dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
