the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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