My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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