i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
