oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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