i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
