this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
