The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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