A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
