Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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