She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
