Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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