his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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