im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize