Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
