So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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