So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
