um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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