I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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