3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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