every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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