In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
