Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
