My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
