Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
