He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
