M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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