normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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