What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
