I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
