Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
